Episode 30: Grit: Surviving a Destructive Marriage With Leslie Vernick



Grit: Surviving a Destructive Marriage With Leslie Vernick

Grit: Surviving a Destructive Marriage With Leslie Vernick


Turns out you actually don’t have to suffer for Jesus.

Leslie Vernick is the author of many books, including the best-selling The Emotionally Destructive Relationship, which has stayed at the top of the list in the pastoral counseling genre for quite some time.

Today she joins me with a message for many, especially those of faith: God does not hate all divorce. Some of you may be thinking, Divorce?? Isn’t that extreme? ??

Leslie shares about the women she has worked with: And their marriages are beyond disappointing; they are destructive.

She has a test on her website where you can figure out where your relationship stands. But for these women, there is likely no room left to improve or change; instead, the only person they can change is themselves, like switching up your dance moves with a bad dance partner.

A destructive marriage is one filled with imbalanced power, abuse, dread, and no safety. This is bad for anyone, but particularly those with children. Leslie stands firm that every child deserves one healthy parent—way more than a “complete” family in a tumultuous state.

In her book and counseling services, and even in church leader education, Leslie’s goal is for women to leave destructive relationships behind to become safe, sane, and stronger.

If you believe in traditional Christian religion and its stories, Leslie wants you to know that the Bible doesn’t shame divorce, and God doesn't want you to feel pain.

A destructive relationship might be part of your story, but it doesn't have to be the end of it; there can be a healthy, wonderful life on the other side.


  • Not all divorces are equal, why “God doesn’t hate all divorce”.
  • How to tell the difference between a destructive versus disappointing marriage.
  • The goal of Leslie Vernick’s book and counseling: Safe, Sane, and Stronger.
  • The dangers in abusive relationships.
  • Why one healthy parent is better than a complete family.

Leslie speaks a lot about divorce in general and through the Christian lens. Are you struggling in your relationship? If her advice speaks to you, I wanna hear about it!

Let me know on Insta!



Join Oonagh Duncan (fitness expert and bestselling author of Healthy As F*ck/Ditch The Diet) as she examines the habits of kicking ass every day - so you can create a life of no regrets.

Because your dream life (and your dream bod) isn’t just going to happen because you made a vision board. It takes Goals. It takes Grit. And it takes some woo-woo sh*t."

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